Me: Well, its time to get around and go to church.
The voices in my ear: Why? No one likes you there anyway.... You don't fit in....You don't dress as nice as the others do... All the other women are there with their husbands, you look ridiculous walking in by yourself, and if you sit with someone else, you look like a third wheel... Isn't this bed soooooo comfortable?....Hey, remember that book you wanted to read? You could spend this two hours reading it..... You are so ugly, they make fun of you when you aren't looking.... You know they don't even care about you, they only look happy to see you because you bring food....You don't belong there....
And this happens EVERY TIME. So lets look at these voices. The very first day I walked in to my church a little over five years ago, it was full of people I went to school with. They were very excited and happy to see me there, and over the five years, those friendships have been renewed and grown closer. Why would they NOT be happy to see me. I may not have as much as, or as fancy of clothing as many others do, but most of this is my own choice, because I hate to shop, and I am cheap. If I had fifty dollars to spend on a shopping trip, I would buy a $15 hoodie, have a good lunch and save the rest of my money to buy bacon or baking supplies. FACT. Yes I am there without a husband, but last time I looked, a spouse was not a requirement. It does at times make me feel like a third wheel, but that is my own situation, and nothing to do with God or going to church. I don't begrudge the fact that I am spiritually single, and I would rather be this, than be marriedly lost. (in Beckenese, that is proper grammar). Satan sends those demons to discourage me. To hold me back and keep me from doing God's work and His will. Lately, God has been calling me to do more and more. This past year as I have gotten out from under a bad marriage and started living for God, I took some advice a friend gave me. She told me to make God my husband. To take that loneliness, and give it to God. When I have a bad day at work, and want to come home and tell my husband all about it, I talk to God. When something amazing happens I want to share, I talk to God. When I am lonely, and scared, or sick. I imagine God wrapping His arms around me, holding me tight, and saying, "Beckie, I love you and its going to be okay," God's love is unconditional, He doesn't care if dinner is late, or I forgot to pick up milk. He doesn't yell at me if I pay the electric bill late, or bully me, or tell me I am stupid or worthless. He tells me I am worthy. I am chosen. I am loved, and cherished. Making God my husband was the best thing I could have ever done, and if, at some time in the future I decide to start dating and get married again, someone has some really big shoes to fill.....
But back to the demons. (yeah, gonna need a roadmap to keep up with my train of thought, I am very random at times) The Bible says: For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12 NKJ
I never really thought about this before, or understood it, but we battle Satan every day. God is love, and positivity, so if you have negative thoughts these come from Satan, and his little demons. Demons named Sorrow, Hate, Despair, Depression, Sickness, Fear, Pain, Shame, Loneliness, Discord, Bitterness. and so on and so on. Think of any negative emotion that you feel, and it is probably a demon that whispers in your ear to feed this emotion. It is a bad visual, but I see it as the old classic cartoon vision, you sit there, and on your left shoulder is the little devil, telling you lies. But you have to make sure that on your right shoulder, you keep the angel, the word of God, to battle those lies. But in my case, (because I have a vivid imagination) its more like a buzzard like creature, with long flowy feathers, and long claws so it can hold on to me tighter to keep me prisoner while it spreads its discouraging message. It flies above me, studying my life, so it can figure out the best way to hurt me, to throw me off the path, to keep me from being what God intends me to be. But as I recognize it more, I know how to fight it. With God's word, with praise songs, and by surrounding myself with Godly people who love me, and want to be with me, no matter how many times those voices in my ear try to tell me otherwise. God is good, and He created us all. If we don't reach His goals for us, its our fault because we listen to those voices and get off the path. So think about it, whose voice is whispering in your ear today? Is it one of those demons? Or is it God, telling you He loves you, that you are worthy enough that Jesus died for you, and that you have a purpose, you just need to get busy living it!
And now, I have to go cook. I have a brand spanking new crockpot I need to break in! :)
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