I was born to a 15 year old girl and an unknown father. I know what it feels like to be a mistake.
My mother would grow up to practice witchcraft and her grandparents were devil worshipers. “I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.”
I was adopted into the family that raised me. I know what if feels like to not really fit in.
A lot of bad things happened to me as I grew up. I know what it feels like to be insecure.
We didn’t always have food growing up. I know what hunger feels like.
I was molested by a family friend. I know what it feels like to be a victim.
I got pregnant my senior year in high school. I know what shame feels like.
I married my child’s father and ended up being abused. I know what being hit feels like.
I got a divorce and spent three years as a single mom. I know what loneliness feels like.
I searched for and found my birth mother. I know what rejection feels like.
I married a man who was controlling. I know what it feels like to be a prisoner in your own home.
My dad died. I know what grief feels like.
I sunk into my first depression. I know what it feels like to be without hope.
I started going to church. I know what that first spark of hope feels like.
I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior. I know what salvation feels like.
I have spent years battling Satan’s attacks. I know what the valley feels like.
I got my second divorce. I know what it feels like to be free, yet alone.
I sunk into a pit of depression. I know what it feels like to not be able to hear God’s voice.
I became suicidal. I know what it feels like to want to die.
I started the path to healing in Celebrate Recovery. I know what second chances feels like.
I learned to forgive others and most importantly, myself. I know what forgiveness feels like.
I learned to accept friendship when offered. I know what it feels like to be loved.
I started to like the person I saw in the mirror. I know what acceptance feels like.
I can do a lot of things I never thought I could. I know what pride feels like.
I have traveled and seen many things. I know what determination feels like.
I have had people share their deep, dark struggles with me. I know what trust feels like.
I have felt the presence of God so strongly at my darkest hours. I know what faith is.
When I wanted to give up I asked God to help me hold on. I know what perseverance is.
God is putting people in my life to help me and for me to help. I know what healing feels like.
Over my life I have felt nearly every emotion there is, both good and bad. I know hunger, and I know gluttony. I know the pain of emptiness and I know the joy of a cup that overflows. I know what it feels like to be surrounded by people that love me and I know what it feels like to feel like no one else cares. I know peace, I know torment, I know happiness, I know bitterness. I know what it’s like to hold Satan’s hand and I know what it’s like to be cradled in the arms of God. I know what Angel whispers sound like, when they are helping to save your life. I know regret, when you make decisions that destroy your life.
I believe that God never wastes a hurt, and that every path, right or wrong, has a reason, a lesson and that God means it all for good. If I had never known pain, how would I know to appreciate pleasure? If I never saw the valley, how would I know how precious the mountain was? If I had never experienced hardship, how would I know the comfort of the good times.
If I had never been in the fire, how would I know what it feels like to be burned, and know that my sole purpose in life is to stand at the edge of the flames and reach in to help pull others to safety. God gave me these hurts so that I in turn can help others who are hurting. There was a purpose for every pain, and for the first time in my life, I thank God for them. Because now I understand why I was created. To rise up out of the ashes and shine the light of God on those who are still in the darkness. To show that a broken life can still have meaning. To be a warrior, and to thank God for every battle.