At church tonight, we were having a discussion over the book of Romans. Carroll was teaching out of the 8th chapter and we got to the 15th verse which says:
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”
We went on to discuss this and he talked about how the word Abba, is the equivalent of the word Daddy. And that we are supposed to have such a close relationship with our Heavenly Father that we think of Him as our Daddy. While we are reverent and call Him Father, we should look at Him as Daddy. Carroll went on to say that how our relationship with our earthly father was, can also be a basis of our relationship with God. This has really put me to thinking.
I loved my dad. He was a hard man at times to love, but I did. Dad didn't tolerate a lot of nonsense and he had a firecracker temper. If you were good and did well, then love and acceptance came easily, but if you messed up, it was a more conditional love, and disapproval was very common. When I was a little girl, I really seemed to do what was pleasing to him. I made good grades, rarely got in trouble in school, and was seldom disciplined, outside of being sent to my room.
But as I reached my teenage years, and twenties, I made several bad decisions. My relationship with my dad became strained, and there were times we went long periods of time without speaking to each other, sometimes while still living in the same house. I made a lot of mistakes, made bad decisions, and his displeasure and disappointment were very well known. I felt loved less, not unloved, but less than I had known before. And at times, I wondered if he regretted getting me. (adopted kids sometimes struggle more with things because they don't have the security of knowing they were meant to be in the family.
This is the same as my relationship with God. It is invalid, but it is how I have felt at times. I feel like when I don't do something He has called me to do, that He is disappointed in me, and that sometimes I am just one screw up away from God turning His back on me. I know this is not realistic, but I also know the thoughts and feelings that run through my mind. God is extremely patient, and the Bible refers to is as longsuffering. I am sure He shakes His head a lot and sighs deeply, but I know that His love for me never wavers. The verse states the while I am adopted into the Block family, even more importantly, I have been adopted into the God family as well. God is my Father, I am joint heirs with Jesus. Jesus, knowing that I would screw up, loved me enough to die for me. If I am valuable enough to die for, then God is not going to turn His back on me. Because I am redeemed, I am holy and perfect in His eyes. He may shake His head, but He is also proud of me, despite my mistakes.
This wayward thinking also transfers itself to my friendships. I have had lots of friends turn their backs on me when things get tough. They see my mistakes, make judgements on me and decide I am not worth the hassle. So in the back of my mind all the time, are those feelings, of what do I have to do to reach the point that my friends will walk away from me. And I reach that point at times, but then I have friends in my life also that tell me it doesn't matter how crabby I can be, how down I get, or how impossible I can be, they are not going to leave me. They, like God, are in for the long haul. God gives us the ability to love each other. But it's up to us to decide if we are going to love as God calls us to love, which is unconditionally, or if we are going to leave that the first sign of trouble.
I regret not having a close and stable relationship with my Dad. and I know that it affects my relationships with others, and with God. But I want to always remember that while I had an earthly dad that I loved, that God is the ultimate Daddy. my Father. And that Jesus is the Big Brother that is always going to have my back. He died to save me, and He loves me. My earthly brothers love me as well, but not the same as Jesus.
My dad loved me, but not the same as God. And my friends love me, more unconditionally than I ever deserved. And I have gotten to the point with several of them to finally trust in the fact that they are not going anywhere, they are in my life to stay, now and through eternity. Because we are all part of the family of God, and as a child of God that I am worthy of that love.
I am very thankful for Carroll to point out that fact so that I have the opportunity to lean more on my Father, my Heavenly Daddy. Because His love never changes. And that thought brings my heart a great peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment