Having depression is like having a monster living inside you. Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde at its worst. Life can be moving along at a normal pace and then something triggers it. Sometimes it can be an event, sometimes it can be a memory, or sometimes it can be just having been too strong too long, and getting worn down. But it hits, and you are down. Again. And sometimes it's fleeting, a sadness, a few tears; sometimes is longer, a few days in bed, or having to seek counseling and medication, because it goes on and on and on. And sometimes, it ends suddenly, in a suicide. But it's always there.
Sometimes you want to talk about things because you know that will help. Sometimes you want to internalize things, because you don't want to talk about it, again. Because you have been down this road, your friends have been down this road with you a thousand times and you don't want to feel like you failed them again. So you try to vanquish the monster alone. Sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. But you always have scars. The scars are on your soul. On your heart. You might look normal on the outside, but inside you have a thousand battle scars from the fighting within your heart, your mind, battles that no one sees.
Some people never battle depression or even have the blues. I know, because they tell me. They tell me that I need to suck it up. They tell me I need to shake it off. I need to give it to God, I need to pray more. They don't know that I have had more depression issues since I got saved than I ever had when I was lost. They don't know that Satan sends the demon of depression after me every time I make great strides for God, to knock me back down. They battle other demons I am sure, and maybe don't even realize it. All of God's children battle Satan if they are growing in their faith. Satan knows our weaknesses. He knows how to attack.
When you think you are fortified, and prayed up and strong, then Satan attacks your family, and that drags a parent down faster than an attack on themselves. Our kids are our Achilles tendon or main weakness. And I faced a full frontal attack a few weeks back, and it left me weak. And vulnerable. So attacks have come pretty regularly. I envision an army of demons surrounding me, big ones and small ones, each with their mission to bring me down. The demons have names. Discouragement. Sickness. Nightmares. Calamity. Woe. And lurking around at the back is Suicide. Because there have been times over the past few days when that has attacked as well. That this life is so hard, it's not worth living. Death would be easier than this daily onslaught of attacks. No one cares. No one would miss me. The kids would be better off without a crazy mom. These are all lies, lies of Satan, but they are the whispers that come at your weakest point.
Why try? why bother? Why waste your time putting one foot in front of the other? I have had family that committed suicide. For a long time, I couldn't imagine what would cause them to make that decision. I thought it was selfishness. They never thought about what it would do to the ones left behind. But I realize now that they did it to shut up the demons. They weren't strong enough to keep fighting. They had been too strong for too long. Even the fiercest warriors can only fight for so long. They have to have someone to take over the fight so they can rest. But if no one is there, then what? If no one is there to catch them. Or if they don't want to go to the ones they usually go to because they are tired of feeling like a burden. Because it's the same fight over and over.
I know I am loved. I know I am valued. I know I have people that loved me and want me and need me. I know I am a good person, a strong Christian. But, when that hits, I am worthless. I am unlovable. I am unwanted, unneeded, un.... un-anything that I know I really am. I am weak. I can't do anything right. I can never make it on my own. A black cloud goes over the sun and I am in a darkness that is as thick as tar. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I just lay and look at the wall for hours. But this last time, I got angry. Filled with hate at the unfairness of life. I lashed out at people. Mr. Hyde had a heyday. I shut the door on my usual support system. I get tired of being needy. This time, I didn't care if the monster won. I truly did not care. Because I am tired of fighting. I am so tired.
But God always has a plan. And He has people in place. He sent a couple of new warriors to battle through the darkness. To beat the demons off of me, and drag me back into the light. Not to replace the warriors that have fought for me before, but allies.
So here I am. Bruised and bloody, but healing. Weak but breathing. I have always used a lot of symbolism with walls. I had walls built up around me to keep people out. People broke down those walls so they could love me and be with me. Hurt comes in those broken walls too. So maybe the key is building the walls back, but handing out keys. So the ones who love me can come in, but I can keep out some of the painful stuff. I don't know, but trust God to help me find a balance. He must still have things for me to do because He hasn't let me go yet. So it's time to dust myself off. Be like Elijah. Eat, sleep and start the fight again. Because I know there are more monsters over the horizon. But I have a lot of work to do for God before I get there.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Friday, March 25, 2016
Mercy and Grace..... and Bacon.
I think the world would be a much better place if we extended the same grace and mercy to others that God extends to us.
Face it. We all mess up. No one is perfect, I don't care how much you think you are. News flash, You Are NOT. We all screw-up, we all sin and we all have to pay the price. Now granted, some screw ups are worse than others, at least by OUR standards. God does not label sins by the degree of bad to worse. Any sin is punishable by death. From the little kid stealing a cookie to the mass murderer to the gossipy little old lady. But.... imagine the world where, when we turned our lives over to God, and He forgives us and remembers our sins no more if we did the same for each other.
What if we looked at the guy who used to be the town drunk, but did an extensive rehabilitation program, cleaned his life up, and tried to start life anew, following the God that he found in rehab. What if we didn't always refer to him as the ex-drunk. Or question his every motive, wondering every time we saw his car parked at the convenience store if he was in there buying beer.
What if we looked at the woman who was wild in high school, and had a baby before she graduated, and didn't think of her as having loose morals. Because she gave her life to the Lord in her 20's, got married and lived a respectable life, or at least she tried to, despite everyone constantly reminding her how bad she used to be.
What if we spent our time lifting each other up, instead of tearing each other down. What if we didn't try to judge people based on who they are related to. Grouping someone in according to how bad of a reputation others with the same last name have. What if we remembered the Golden Rule, that even nonbelievers learned in school. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." This is Biblical, but even those who never have been to church know this.
Christians are told that there are two main laws that they are to follow. Love God, and love your neighbor. And who is your neighbor? Everyone. Not just the guy next door. Or the sweet lady across the street. Your neighbor is every single person you know. And we are to love them.
I struggle with this sometimes. Some people are just hard to love. And as a reformed hater and grudge holder, I struggle to love people that are just not good people. But I work on it. I try to see life from their point of view. I try to extend grace and mercy when they are mean to me. Instead of being hateful back, which is very tempting, I smile and try to think of something pleasant to say. I don't always succeed, but I TRY.
Because I know I am not always easy to love, and God always loves me. I know that I can be impossible and that I have done a lot of stuff wrong, but God is always there, with grace and mercy. But as Christians, and even as non-Christians who profess to be "good people", shouldn't we treat each other that same way? There is so much hate in the world. So much name calling. If you look on any national story on facebook and just read through the comments, or on local news reports that are posted, the comments can just get mean and ugly. As good people, why do we feel the need to attack those who don't agree with us? I may not agree with who you want to vote for, but I love you regardless. I may not agree with the baseball team or football team you like but I love you anyway. I may not agree with the life you lead, but I choose not to call you mean names. I might tell you that I think you are not making good life choices, but I will do it with love, and not say hateful things. Life is so short. Why make it harder than it already is by withholding love, and mercy, grace and forgiveness. This was a long lesson learned. I hated people for decades. But God forgave me, so I in return have forgiven others. God extended grace and mercy toward me, so how can I not extend it to others. God does not hold my past against me, so how can I hold someone else's past against them.
Hey, YOU, remember when....... if you look at someone and want to bring up a "Remember when" make it a good one. Hey, remember when we helped that guy out of the ditch? Remember when we all chipped together to help that guy fix his car? Remember when you gave me flowers because you knew I liked them? Remember the good deeds that people do, let the bad things go, Just like God does, as far as the east is from the west. Forgive. Love. Eat more bacon, because that will definitely make you happier. But for crying out loud! Love each other people! Life sucks bad enough, don't make someone's life harder than it already is. And smile. Life is always better if you smile. oh, and I really meant that about eating more bacon. Try it. Nitrates are good for the soul. :)
Face it. We all mess up. No one is perfect, I don't care how much you think you are. News flash, You Are NOT. We all screw-up, we all sin and we all have to pay the price. Now granted, some screw ups are worse than others, at least by OUR standards. God does not label sins by the degree of bad to worse. Any sin is punishable by death. From the little kid stealing a cookie to the mass murderer to the gossipy little old lady. But.... imagine the world where, when we turned our lives over to God, and He forgives us and remembers our sins no more if we did the same for each other.
What if we looked at the guy who used to be the town drunk, but did an extensive rehabilitation program, cleaned his life up, and tried to start life anew, following the God that he found in rehab. What if we didn't always refer to him as the ex-drunk. Or question his every motive, wondering every time we saw his car parked at the convenience store if he was in there buying beer.
What if we looked at the woman who was wild in high school, and had a baby before she graduated, and didn't think of her as having loose morals. Because she gave her life to the Lord in her 20's, got married and lived a respectable life, or at least she tried to, despite everyone constantly reminding her how bad she used to be.
What if we spent our time lifting each other up, instead of tearing each other down. What if we didn't try to judge people based on who they are related to. Grouping someone in according to how bad of a reputation others with the same last name have. What if we remembered the Golden Rule, that even nonbelievers learned in school. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." This is Biblical, but even those who never have been to church know this.
Christians are told that there are two main laws that they are to follow. Love God, and love your neighbor. And who is your neighbor? Everyone. Not just the guy next door. Or the sweet lady across the street. Your neighbor is every single person you know. And we are to love them.
I struggle with this sometimes. Some people are just hard to love. And as a reformed hater and grudge holder, I struggle to love people that are just not good people. But I work on it. I try to see life from their point of view. I try to extend grace and mercy when they are mean to me. Instead of being hateful back, which is very tempting, I smile and try to think of something pleasant to say. I don't always succeed, but I TRY.
Because I know I am not always easy to love, and God always loves me. I know that I can be impossible and that I have done a lot of stuff wrong, but God is always there, with grace and mercy. But as Christians, and even as non-Christians who profess to be "good people", shouldn't we treat each other that same way? There is so much hate in the world. So much name calling. If you look on any national story on facebook and just read through the comments, or on local news reports that are posted, the comments can just get mean and ugly. As good people, why do we feel the need to attack those who don't agree with us? I may not agree with who you want to vote for, but I love you regardless. I may not agree with the baseball team or football team you like but I love you anyway. I may not agree with the life you lead, but I choose not to call you mean names. I might tell you that I think you are not making good life choices, but I will do it with love, and not say hateful things. Life is so short. Why make it harder than it already is by withholding love, and mercy, grace and forgiveness. This was a long lesson learned. I hated people for decades. But God forgave me, so I in return have forgiven others. God extended grace and mercy toward me, so how can I not extend it to others. God does not hold my past against me, so how can I hold someone else's past against them.
Hey, YOU, remember when....... if you look at someone and want to bring up a "Remember when" make it a good one. Hey, remember when we helped that guy out of the ditch? Remember when we all chipped together to help that guy fix his car? Remember when you gave me flowers because you knew I liked them? Remember the good deeds that people do, let the bad things go, Just like God does, as far as the east is from the west. Forgive. Love. Eat more bacon, because that will definitely make you happier. But for crying out loud! Love each other people! Life sucks bad enough, don't make someone's life harder than it already is. And smile. Life is always better if you smile. oh, and I really meant that about eating more bacon. Try it. Nitrates are good for the soul. :)
Sunday, March 6, 2016
The Parable of the Uncle
Once upon a time, there was a wise old uncle who had two nieces. One niece, he had known for her entire life, and even though she had always known him as her uncle, she did not love him. He wanted to be loved and respected by the girl, but instead she turned her back on him. She hated his ways, and decided that she did not want to be his niece, but would rather spend her days happily alone, without a loving uncle to call her own. The uncle was angry at her, because he wanted her to choose him, but he would not force her to love him, to respect or obey him. So he sadly watched her walk out of his life.
But far away lived another little girl, who was lonely, and wished for a family to call her own. One day, she discovered that she had a wise old uncle, and she sought him out. She had not known him her whole life, but she loved him, and when he called her his beloved niece she was happy. She wanted to please him, so she did as he asked, and loved him, and respected him, which is all he ever really wanted. Sometimes when the niece would stray off of the path that the uncle wanted her to stay on, he would chastise her, and she would turn from the things she did that displeased him, not out of fear of what he could do to her, but out of love, because she wanted him to love her, and want her in his life.
Now the Uncle had the power to send her away at any moment, but he didn’t because he loved her. And even though she did the things he wanted, and showed him love and respect, she sometimes still felt sad, because she had missed out on so many years that she could have been with him. She tried to do more and more to please him, wanting him to love her more and more. But his heart was already so full of love for her, that it would never have mattered what she did, he could not love her any more than he did.
But deep down, his heart still hurt for the other niece. The one who had turned her back on him. The one who screamed mean things at him, and walked out of his life. The uncle had two nieces, but only one that wanted to be in his life.
This parable is much like our relationship with God. Some of us have known God from when we were very young. We were born into Christian families, went to church all of our lives and always knew who God was. But we never accepted Him. Or perhaps we did, but as we got older, we turned our back on Him, deciding to go our own way, and do our own thing, away from the loving kindness and forgiveness that He offers us. Perhaps we lost a loved one, and couldn’t understand why God would take someone we loved and needed so much away from us. We got angry. We were hurt, so we blamed the One that we felt was responsible. And we hated Him.
But then supposed someone was not raised in a church, but only came to know God years later. Joyfully we gave our lives and our hearts to Him, wanting only to please Him, and to serve Him with all that we have. Not because we understand that He saved us from hell, but because we love that He chose us to save. We want to do whatever makes Him happy and to obey and respect and love Him, at all times good and bad. We feel bad when we do wrong and disappoint Him, and we want to do better and please Him.
God loves the ones who choose Him, but He also loves the ones who don’t and feels sorrow for the ones who turned their back on all He has to offer. He sits patiently waiting for the one who turned away to turn back, to ask for forgiveness and to want a loving relationship with Him. It doesn’t matter when you were introduced to God. Whether you were nine or ninety. It doesn’t matter how far you got from Him when you were rebelling, or what sins you committed before you knew Him, or after you knew Him. He is patiently waiting for you to come back to Him.
If a loving uncle loves his niece unconditionally, and only wants the best for her, how much more does God love us unconditionally and want only the best for our lives as well.
I pray that all would know the love that God has for them. Regardless to the things you have done. Regardless to how angry you have been at God. Or for your disbelief. I know that people think that the world could not be this messed up if God really existed, but this world is not the realm of God. He is so much better than this place, and He wants us to focus our thoughts and minds on Him, and on heavenly things, rather than the worldly things here below that Satan loves to cause chaos with.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
The Power of Discouragement
Dear Discourager,
It is well known that words have a great power. They have the power to uplift or tear down. They have the power to help or to hurt. So we need to choose our words carefully. Why do some people feel the need to constantly tear people down, to discourage them from following their dreams or making a choice that can better their life?
I have spent most of my adult years being discouraged and put down. Quite frankly, until a couple of years ago my self-esteem was in the toilet. I felt I was stupid, worthless, and any other negative term you could imagine. I had dreams, but not the confidence to follow them, and I was discouraged from even trying. I was smart, college education, even though I never completed my degree, but I was forever discouraged from doing anything to better my life. When I changed my situation and changed the people in my life I started seeing that people wanted what was best for me, even when I, myself didn't know what that was. I had people who knew I had writing ability encourage me to start writing, first this blog, and secondly freelance writing for local publications. It is so thrilling to see my name in a magazine. But still bittersweet, because, if not for the discouragement for so many years, how much farther could I possibly have been by now? And I know that not everyone cares for my style of writing and that is their business, but why spend their life raining on my parade? My brother, who is NOT a reader, faithfully reads my articles every issue they are in and is proud of me. He encourages me and has faith and confidence in me to follow my dreams. He could just as easily ignore what I am doing, and it wouldn't hurt me. He could also tell me I am wasting my time because I will never amount to anything but a small town magazine that no one really cares about anyway. And that would break my heart. His words and opinion have the power to hurt or help his baby sister and he uses them to lift me up.
I am not saying that I always make the right decisions in life, and granted, I have made a lot of mistakes, but that is no reason to belittle me. The ones who seem to make it their mission in life to tear down those around them who are trying to improve their lives. It makes me wonder if they feel so badly about their own lives that they need to tear down those around them to make themselves feel better. The Negative Nancy's and Negative Norman's in life who want others to be as miserable as they are. They find fault in everyone and love nothing more than putting others down.
we are supposed to encourage each other, to show love, and to always want the best for each other, even if it is not what we ourselves would do. I have a friend who wants to go skydiving. This is something I, myself would never do. But it isn't MY dream, so why would I discourage him from following HIS dream? I am proud that he wants to do it. But I certainly wouldn't spend hours telling him scenarios that I have heard that happened to others who did it, and I wouldn't tell him he is wrong to want to do it. My job as his friend is to cheer him on, encourage him, and pray for his safety. To be excited for him, and when he has successfully completed it, to be proud of his accomplishment. That is what friends do.
There is so much negativity in the world, we need to strive to be a positive force. We need to lift up the fallen. Hug the hurting. Encourage the ones who struggle.
Think before you speak, are your words positive, encouraging, enlightening, spoken with love, for the benefit of the hearer, are they truth, or opinion. Will they help, or hurt? Are they necessary, or would it be more beneficial to step back and stay silent?
So dear discourager, please, PLEASE if you are part of my life, just know that I spent 20 years being put down and discouraged. I spent 20 years being made to feel worthless and stupid. I spent 20 years being told what to do, and how to do it. I am now my own boss. I make my own decisions, and I might ask for advice, but at the end of the day, the only One who's opinion of me really matters is God. If I am headed down a wrong path He convicts me and turns me around. Be a positive part of my life. Be happy for what I am doing. Even if you don't agree. Even if you "heard" it wasn't a good situation. Even if you don't think I can do it. And if this isn't possible for you to do, then PLEASE keep your opinions to yourself, because what I need in my life is lovers, not haters.
Signed,
Beckie
PS. And if you don't like bacon, I am afraid it might SERIOUSLY impact our friendship. :)
It is well known that words have a great power. They have the power to uplift or tear down. They have the power to help or to hurt. So we need to choose our words carefully. Why do some people feel the need to constantly tear people down, to discourage them from following their dreams or making a choice that can better their life?
I have spent most of my adult years being discouraged and put down. Quite frankly, until a couple of years ago my self-esteem was in the toilet. I felt I was stupid, worthless, and any other negative term you could imagine. I had dreams, but not the confidence to follow them, and I was discouraged from even trying. I was smart, college education, even though I never completed my degree, but I was forever discouraged from doing anything to better my life. When I changed my situation and changed the people in my life I started seeing that people wanted what was best for me, even when I, myself didn't know what that was. I had people who knew I had writing ability encourage me to start writing, first this blog, and secondly freelance writing for local publications. It is so thrilling to see my name in a magazine. But still bittersweet, because, if not for the discouragement for so many years, how much farther could I possibly have been by now? And I know that not everyone cares for my style of writing and that is their business, but why spend their life raining on my parade? My brother, who is NOT a reader, faithfully reads my articles every issue they are in and is proud of me. He encourages me and has faith and confidence in me to follow my dreams. He could just as easily ignore what I am doing, and it wouldn't hurt me. He could also tell me I am wasting my time because I will never amount to anything but a small town magazine that no one really cares about anyway. And that would break my heart. His words and opinion have the power to hurt or help his baby sister and he uses them to lift me up.
I am not saying that I always make the right decisions in life, and granted, I have made a lot of mistakes, but that is no reason to belittle me. The ones who seem to make it their mission in life to tear down those around them who are trying to improve their lives. It makes me wonder if they feel so badly about their own lives that they need to tear down those around them to make themselves feel better. The Negative Nancy's and Negative Norman's in life who want others to be as miserable as they are. They find fault in everyone and love nothing more than putting others down.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 ESV
Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.
we are supposed to encourage each other, to show love, and to always want the best for each other, even if it is not what we ourselves would do. I have a friend who wants to go skydiving. This is something I, myself would never do. But it isn't MY dream, so why would I discourage him from following HIS dream? I am proud that he wants to do it. But I certainly wouldn't spend hours telling him scenarios that I have heard that happened to others who did it, and I wouldn't tell him he is wrong to want to do it. My job as his friend is to cheer him on, encourage him, and pray for his safety. To be excited for him, and when he has successfully completed it, to be proud of his accomplishment. That is what friends do.
There is so much negativity in the world, we need to strive to be a positive force. We need to lift up the fallen. Hug the hurting. Encourage the ones who struggle.
Think before you speak, are your words positive, encouraging, enlightening, spoken with love, for the benefit of the hearer, are they truth, or opinion. Will they help, or hurt? Are they necessary, or would it be more beneficial to step back and stay silent?
So dear discourager, please, PLEASE if you are part of my life, just know that I spent 20 years being put down and discouraged. I spent 20 years being made to feel worthless and stupid. I spent 20 years being told what to do, and how to do it. I am now my own boss. I make my own decisions, and I might ask for advice, but at the end of the day, the only One who's opinion of me really matters is God. If I am headed down a wrong path He convicts me and turns me around. Be a positive part of my life. Be happy for what I am doing. Even if you don't agree. Even if you "heard" it wasn't a good situation. Even if you don't think I can do it. And if this isn't possible for you to do, then PLEASE keep your opinions to yourself, because what I need in my life is lovers, not haters.
Signed,
Beckie
PS. And if you don't like bacon, I am afraid it might SERIOUSLY impact our friendship. :)
Wednesday, January 13, 2016
Who's Your Daddy?
At church tonight, we were having a discussion over the book of Romans. Carroll was teaching out of the 8th chapter and we got to the 15th verse which says:
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”
We went on to discuss this and he talked about how the word Abba, is the equivalent of the word Daddy. And that we are supposed to have such a close relationship with our Heavenly Father that we think of Him as our Daddy. While we are reverent and call Him Father, we should look at Him as Daddy. Carroll went on to say that how our relationship with our earthly father was, can also be a basis of our relationship with God. This has really put me to thinking.
I loved my dad. He was a hard man at times to love, but I did. Dad didn't tolerate a lot of nonsense and he had a firecracker temper. If you were good and did well, then love and acceptance came easily, but if you messed up, it was a more conditional love, and disapproval was very common. When I was a little girl, I really seemed to do what was pleasing to him. I made good grades, rarely got in trouble in school, and was seldom disciplined, outside of being sent to my room.
But as I reached my teenage years, and twenties, I made several bad decisions. My relationship with my dad became strained, and there were times we went long periods of time without speaking to each other, sometimes while still living in the same house. I made a lot of mistakes, made bad decisions, and his displeasure and disappointment were very well known. I felt loved less, not unloved, but less than I had known before. And at times, I wondered if he regretted getting me. (adopted kids sometimes struggle more with things because they don't have the security of knowing they were meant to be in the family.
This is the same as my relationship with God. It is invalid, but it is how I have felt at times. I feel like when I don't do something He has called me to do, that He is disappointed in me, and that sometimes I am just one screw up away from God turning His back on me. I know this is not realistic, but I also know the thoughts and feelings that run through my mind. God is extremely patient, and the Bible refers to is as longsuffering. I am sure He shakes His head a lot and sighs deeply, but I know that His love for me never wavers. The verse states the while I am adopted into the Block family, even more importantly, I have been adopted into the God family as well. God is my Father, I am joint heirs with Jesus. Jesus, knowing that I would screw up, loved me enough to die for me. If I am valuable enough to die for, then God is not going to turn His back on me. Because I am redeemed, I am holy and perfect in His eyes. He may shake His head, but He is also proud of me, despite my mistakes.
This wayward thinking also transfers itself to my friendships. I have had lots of friends turn their backs on me when things get tough. They see my mistakes, make judgements on me and decide I am not worth the hassle. So in the back of my mind all the time, are those feelings, of what do I have to do to reach the point that my friends will walk away from me. And I reach that point at times, but then I have friends in my life also that tell me it doesn't matter how crabby I can be, how down I get, or how impossible I can be, they are not going to leave me. They, like God, are in for the long haul. God gives us the ability to love each other. But it's up to us to decide if we are going to love as God calls us to love, which is unconditionally, or if we are going to leave that the first sign of trouble.
I regret not having a close and stable relationship with my Dad. and I know that it affects my relationships with others, and with God. But I want to always remember that while I had an earthly dad that I loved, that God is the ultimate Daddy. my Father. And that Jesus is the Big Brother that is always going to have my back. He died to save me, and He loves me. My earthly brothers love me as well, but not the same as Jesus.
My dad loved me, but not the same as God. And my friends love me, more unconditionally than I ever deserved. And I have gotten to the point with several of them to finally trust in the fact that they are not going anywhere, they are in my life to stay, now and through eternity. Because we are all part of the family of God, and as a child of God that I am worthy of that love.
I am very thankful for Carroll to point out that fact so that I have the opportunity to lean more on my Father, my Heavenly Daddy. Because His love never changes. And that thought brings my heart a great peace.
For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”
We went on to discuss this and he talked about how the word Abba, is the equivalent of the word Daddy. And that we are supposed to have such a close relationship with our Heavenly Father that we think of Him as our Daddy. While we are reverent and call Him Father, we should look at Him as Daddy. Carroll went on to say that how our relationship with our earthly father was, can also be a basis of our relationship with God. This has really put me to thinking.
I loved my dad. He was a hard man at times to love, but I did. Dad didn't tolerate a lot of nonsense and he had a firecracker temper. If you were good and did well, then love and acceptance came easily, but if you messed up, it was a more conditional love, and disapproval was very common. When I was a little girl, I really seemed to do what was pleasing to him. I made good grades, rarely got in trouble in school, and was seldom disciplined, outside of being sent to my room.
But as I reached my teenage years, and twenties, I made several bad decisions. My relationship with my dad became strained, and there were times we went long periods of time without speaking to each other, sometimes while still living in the same house. I made a lot of mistakes, made bad decisions, and his displeasure and disappointment were very well known. I felt loved less, not unloved, but less than I had known before. And at times, I wondered if he regretted getting me. (adopted kids sometimes struggle more with things because they don't have the security of knowing they were meant to be in the family.
This is the same as my relationship with God. It is invalid, but it is how I have felt at times. I feel like when I don't do something He has called me to do, that He is disappointed in me, and that sometimes I am just one screw up away from God turning His back on me. I know this is not realistic, but I also know the thoughts and feelings that run through my mind. God is extremely patient, and the Bible refers to is as longsuffering. I am sure He shakes His head a lot and sighs deeply, but I know that His love for me never wavers. The verse states the while I am adopted into the Block family, even more importantly, I have been adopted into the God family as well. God is my Father, I am joint heirs with Jesus. Jesus, knowing that I would screw up, loved me enough to die for me. If I am valuable enough to die for, then God is not going to turn His back on me. Because I am redeemed, I am holy and perfect in His eyes. He may shake His head, but He is also proud of me, despite my mistakes.
This wayward thinking also transfers itself to my friendships. I have had lots of friends turn their backs on me when things get tough. They see my mistakes, make judgements on me and decide I am not worth the hassle. So in the back of my mind all the time, are those feelings, of what do I have to do to reach the point that my friends will walk away from me. And I reach that point at times, but then I have friends in my life also that tell me it doesn't matter how crabby I can be, how down I get, or how impossible I can be, they are not going to leave me. They, like God, are in for the long haul. God gives us the ability to love each other. But it's up to us to decide if we are going to love as God calls us to love, which is unconditionally, or if we are going to leave that the first sign of trouble.
I regret not having a close and stable relationship with my Dad. and I know that it affects my relationships with others, and with God. But I want to always remember that while I had an earthly dad that I loved, that God is the ultimate Daddy. my Father. And that Jesus is the Big Brother that is always going to have my back. He died to save me, and He loves me. My earthly brothers love me as well, but not the same as Jesus.
My dad loved me, but not the same as God. And my friends love me, more unconditionally than I ever deserved. And I have gotten to the point with several of them to finally trust in the fact that they are not going anywhere, they are in my life to stay, now and through eternity. Because we are all part of the family of God, and as a child of God that I am worthy of that love.
I am very thankful for Carroll to point out that fact so that I have the opportunity to lean more on my Father, my Heavenly Daddy. Because His love never changes. And that thought brings my heart a great peace.
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Our Emotions, Inside Out
There is a movie called Inside Out, and I had heard about it and was asked to watch it by a good friend. I was skeptical, but watched it, and I really think its one of those life changing movies that if you delve a little deeper than the surface, you will learn something about yourself that perhaps you did not know.
What do we search for in life? What is the one thing that everyone wants? (well besides an unending supply of bacon). Happiness. We all want happiness. We want to feel joy, we want everything to always be sunshine and roses. We get up on a cloudy day and curse the rain. We make plans, and it snows and we are angry. (Totally guilty on this one) If things aren't perfect in our little words, we are sad, or angry, or disgusted, or depressed. But what if there is more to it than this?
If we were always happy, would we be appreciative? If we never knew sadness, would we appreciate the things that make us happy? If we never experience rain, would we understand the beauty of a warm sunny day? If we never felt the bone chilling cold of a snowy day, would we really appreciate a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate? If we never felt loss, would we really understand love?
Life isn't about being happy. It's about living. Experiencing all that life has to offer. The good and the bad. I understand this more than many because I struggle with deep dark depression. At times, it almost feels hard to breathe when it gets so bad. But because I have felt these deep and dark emotions, I know how good happy feels. Happiness isn't the lack of problems, it's knowing that it can get worse and cherishing every second that it isn't. Love doesn't just come when things are rosy, it stays when things are hard. But there is still more.
What happens when we are happy? When we are happy, and we have all we could want or need, we tend to take credit for that. We don't really need anyone else because our little world is happy. But when things go wrong, and they always do at some point or another, that is when we need others. God has our lives all intertwined. We have a circle of friends, and those friends have a circle of friends that includes some of ours, but not all. And each circle spreads out bigger and bigger until everyone is included. Well, except for those who close themselves off from the circles, and try to make it through this life on their own, But that is not what God wanted, or intended. And those people are going to face a lifetime of pain and loneliness. This I also know, because there are times I have walled my heart and life up, to keep people out, thinking I was protecting my heart from pain, but realizing that I was also shutting out happiness.
In the movie, the character had a memory that she thought was simply happy. It was a core memory, one of those that lasts a lifetime. But as they delved into the memory, it wasn't what it first appeared. I won't give anything away, so I will transfer the lesson to my own experiences. I can think of a really bad time in my life when my marriage fell apart. If I focus only on the fact that my marriage ended, that is a TERRIBLE time in my life. But if I expand on that memory a little bit, and look at it from other angles, it's also an awesome time in my life. God had a circle of friends prepared and on standby. That moment things ended, I sent out two texts, and those people immediately started to pray for me. When I went to church and told my Sunday school class that I needed extra prayers, they did. They held me up, both prayerfully and literally over those next days, weeks and months. Friends helped me financially, they brought me food. They followed me out of church services when my emotions got out of control and I needed to cry. They let me talk, they drove me to work when the roads were bad. They told me jokes, they sent me texts to check on me, they hugged me and told me they loved me. So what was the time really? It was horrible, but it was good at the same time.
I think all of our life can be looked at this way. There are always things going on that we don't realize at the moment, that we might only see looking back. I have painful issues in my life with my adoption, but looking back I can see God weaving intricate pathways for me to follow, rerouting me when I got off track (which happened a LOT), I can see people He placed in my life. love that was given unconditionally.
Every aspect of our life has meaning. We need the clouds and rain, we need the snow (but not a lot of it, please-thank you.) We need the hurt and the pain and the tears. We need to experience the death of loved ones and lost friendships, broken relationships, and arguments. Because only when we have these experiences, will we ever know the true happiness and joy of the birth of a baby, new friendships, meeting your true love, and how good it really feels to laugh. And unless you have tasted really BAD cheap bacon, you will never appreciate the really good, meaty, perfectly cooked and crispy bacon.
Life is what we make it. We need to find the lessons in the hard times. and learn to look for that silver lining in even the blackest of clouds. We need to appreciate even the hard parts of life, and even more so, the people that God has given us to help us through the hurtful parts. Look over your memories, find the ones that hurt, and turn them from side to side, and see if there isn't something buried in there that is good. Don't look at it from the pain of being there, but look at it through new eyes. I have a lot of memories of my own to examine, But I am hopeful that I can see new things, and put the bad parts of those memories to rest, and realize that something good came from all of those times. My emotions can get pretty raw, but I am so thankful that I have the ability to feel. And throughout all the sadness, I have learned so much about how GOOD happy feels.
What do we search for in life? What is the one thing that everyone wants? (well besides an unending supply of bacon). Happiness. We all want happiness. We want to feel joy, we want everything to always be sunshine and roses. We get up on a cloudy day and curse the rain. We make plans, and it snows and we are angry. (Totally guilty on this one) If things aren't perfect in our little words, we are sad, or angry, or disgusted, or depressed. But what if there is more to it than this?
If we were always happy, would we be appreciative? If we never knew sadness, would we appreciate the things that make us happy? If we never experience rain, would we understand the beauty of a warm sunny day? If we never felt the bone chilling cold of a snowy day, would we really appreciate a warm blanket and a cup of hot chocolate? If we never felt loss, would we really understand love?
Life isn't about being happy. It's about living. Experiencing all that life has to offer. The good and the bad. I understand this more than many because I struggle with deep dark depression. At times, it almost feels hard to breathe when it gets so bad. But because I have felt these deep and dark emotions, I know how good happy feels. Happiness isn't the lack of problems, it's knowing that it can get worse and cherishing every second that it isn't. Love doesn't just come when things are rosy, it stays when things are hard. But there is still more.
What happens when we are happy? When we are happy, and we have all we could want or need, we tend to take credit for that. We don't really need anyone else because our little world is happy. But when things go wrong, and they always do at some point or another, that is when we need others. God has our lives all intertwined. We have a circle of friends, and those friends have a circle of friends that includes some of ours, but not all. And each circle spreads out bigger and bigger until everyone is included. Well, except for those who close themselves off from the circles, and try to make it through this life on their own, But that is not what God wanted, or intended. And those people are going to face a lifetime of pain and loneliness. This I also know, because there are times I have walled my heart and life up, to keep people out, thinking I was protecting my heart from pain, but realizing that I was also shutting out happiness.
In the movie, the character had a memory that she thought was simply happy. It was a core memory, one of those that lasts a lifetime. But as they delved into the memory, it wasn't what it first appeared. I won't give anything away, so I will transfer the lesson to my own experiences. I can think of a really bad time in my life when my marriage fell apart. If I focus only on the fact that my marriage ended, that is a TERRIBLE time in my life. But if I expand on that memory a little bit, and look at it from other angles, it's also an awesome time in my life. God had a circle of friends prepared and on standby. That moment things ended, I sent out two texts, and those people immediately started to pray for me. When I went to church and told my Sunday school class that I needed extra prayers, they did. They held me up, both prayerfully and literally over those next days, weeks and months. Friends helped me financially, they brought me food. They followed me out of church services when my emotions got out of control and I needed to cry. They let me talk, they drove me to work when the roads were bad. They told me jokes, they sent me texts to check on me, they hugged me and told me they loved me. So what was the time really? It was horrible, but it was good at the same time.
I think all of our life can be looked at this way. There are always things going on that we don't realize at the moment, that we might only see looking back. I have painful issues in my life with my adoption, but looking back I can see God weaving intricate pathways for me to follow, rerouting me when I got off track (which happened a LOT), I can see people He placed in my life. love that was given unconditionally.
Every aspect of our life has meaning. We need the clouds and rain, we need the snow (but not a lot of it, please-thank you.) We need the hurt and the pain and the tears. We need to experience the death of loved ones and lost friendships, broken relationships, and arguments. Because only when we have these experiences, will we ever know the true happiness and joy of the birth of a baby, new friendships, meeting your true love, and how good it really feels to laugh. And unless you have tasted really BAD cheap bacon, you will never appreciate the really good, meaty, perfectly cooked and crispy bacon.
Life is what we make it. We need to find the lessons in the hard times. and learn to look for that silver lining in even the blackest of clouds. We need to appreciate even the hard parts of life, and even more so, the people that God has given us to help us through the hurtful parts. Look over your memories, find the ones that hurt, and turn them from side to side, and see if there isn't something buried in there that is good. Don't look at it from the pain of being there, but look at it through new eyes. I have a lot of memories of my own to examine, But I am hopeful that I can see new things, and put the bad parts of those memories to rest, and realize that something good came from all of those times. My emotions can get pretty raw, but I am so thankful that I have the ability to feel. And throughout all the sadness, I have learned so much about how GOOD happy feels.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
the Devil in Church
If I was the devil and I wanted to tear up the Church, I would start with the local congregation. I would sneak some tares in with the wheat. I would get some unsaved people that think they are Christians and get them to join the local churches. Perhaps they went forward as children and think they are saved but never made a true profession of faith. I would get them to bring worldly ideas in, and push for the church to be more accepting of sinful lifestyles and political correctness.
I would start whispering in the ears of the older generation that they have done more than their share of working within the church and need to just sit back and let the younger generation take care of nurseries, teaching, visiting the lost, going to the nursing homes and other ways of working for God. I would overwhelm the younger generation who is struggling with small children, full-time jobs and a home, until they are too busy and too tired to bring their kids to church, because on top of that, they have to teach and work in the nursery too, rather than just have that time to rest and recharge.
I would start whispering in the ears of the faithful workers that no one appreciates their hard work and that they aren't making a difference anymore, so why should they waste their time, energy and money supporting the causes of God's work. I would cause discontent so that they decide they have done enough because they aren't appreciated. I would make it seem easier to throw $20 in a plate than spend two hours of time working in the community.
I would start encouraging the gossips to spread lies and half-truths about the ones in the church that are struggling with sin, with broken lives and yet are still coming to church so that God can help them. I would get the gossip to the point that these people give up and quit coming to church, to sink back into their lives of sin so that they can live peaceably outside of the eyes of the church pew gossips, even if it dooms their souls for eternity.
I would attack any and all youth programs. My biggest desire would be to get the youth out of the church, preferably before they got saved, but even still, if I could get them out of church before they take leadership roles its just as good. An out of church Christian is nearly as good as an unsaved person, in the eyes of the devil.
If I was the devil, I would encourage pride. I would focus on the money and the clothes and the cars of the people going to the local church. I would make people believe that God cares about those things and that if they "pray" the right way then they will have money falling from the sky to fill their every want. I will whisper in their ears that it's okay to go to the casino and buy lottery tickets. I will whisper that it's fine to live above their means, using credit cards, and rack up large debts, just to appear to be what they are not. I will make them forget that Jesus was humble and poor. The widow's mite would mean nothing, and again we would have the Pharisee in the streets bragging about the size of their donation.
I would discourage prayer, and Bible reading, but would encourage the social aspects of church memberships; the trips, the activities, but let things like going to nursing homes to sing and visiting the elderly drop out. I would discourage those who want to do things to bring people to Christ, but would encourage spending money to do things for entertainment purposes only.
If I was the devil I would attack the youth. I would turn the church into a fashion show, where they are more concerned with how they look to each other than how they look to God. I would encourage them to bring their phones into service and surf social media instead of listening. I would make it look like nothing is more important than romance and it's not necessary to remain holy and pure.
I would start competitions and arguments between local churches so that they no longer are supportive of what the other does. I will discourage people from attending the revivals and events that the other churches are hosting. I will make them forget that if they escape me and are going to the same heaven, they will be together anyway. Because that is the last thing I want them to think of. I want them to think that going to a ballgame is more fun than going to church. I want them to think that going to the bar on Saturday night is more fun than going to church. I want them fighting among themselves and gossiping and tearing each other down. I want people to get mad at the people in the church so they quit attending, quit praying, quit worshiping, and then I can slowly turn them back to following me.
If I were the devil I would make sure that the best show on tv are shown during church time, or directly afterwards so that the people who do go to church will leave as soon as possible rather than stay and fellowship with Christian brothers and sisters. And I will make shows that intrigue people, even if they go against everything that God teaches us.
If I were the devil, I would hate the word revival. So when a church has one, I would do everything I could to keep people from going, from inviting others to go. I would bring sin in to the churches on the hem of everyone's clothes, and keep them so busy with political correctness, with fashion, with money, with arguing, with gossiping and with socialization that they forget that they are at church to pray, to worship and to grow in their relationship with the One they came there to be with. And the best thing is, I am doing it every day, and the people don't even see it. My job is getting easier and easier. I am in more churches than ever imagined. I have closed churches, burned churches, and ripped churches apart. I have torn apart families and led people to suicide rather than salvation. I have helped create a generation that hates God, hates church and hates Christians. I am winning. The Bible says that in the end I will lose, but oh, how many people I am going to have with me in hell. And in the end, that is what matters most to me.......
Monday, August 3, 2015
What is your talent?
The other day our pastor preached on the parable of the talents. Where the master is going out of town and calls three of his servants and gives them each a different number of talents. The first takes what he was given and doubles it. Likewise the second, while he was given fewer talents, also doubles his. The third one though, takes the one talent he was given and buries it, rather than working with it to make any increase. I think this is how we can be at times.
God gives each and every one of us talents. Some he has given multiple abilities to. They can be super smart, great athletes and can sing beautifully. Some may not be able to do these things, but they have a wonderful way with children, or the ability to make money. But we are each given something we can do, to bring glory to God, to bring people to God and to otherwise help increase and further the kingdom of God. But what do we do with these talents? I know for many years I did absolutely nothing. I have always loved to write, and I was fairly good at it, but did nothing with it. Part of it was because of the life I had, and the fact that any and all creativity was not encouraged. But part of it, was pure laziness on my side.
Lately though, God has impressed it on me more and more to use my writing talent to bring Glory to His name. And this is exactly what I am striving to do. At first I thought that writing a blog would be a good way. I could write about what God was doing in my life, but the God started expanding it, and opened a door to freelance writing in magazines. While not every article I write can be about God, I am able to incorporate it in as I can, and can choose many stories where the subjects talk about God in their own lives and can bring His name out in that way. But then He progresses, and I am now writing a Christmas play. And still more He works. I write, whatever He puts in my mind, not always knowing what He has planned for me to do, but knowing that He has a plan in mind, and that I will surely succeed at what I do, if I am doing it in His will.
What is the talent He has given you? You cannot say there is nothing, because if you are a child of God, He has given you something, and even if you are NOT yet His child, He still has given you an ability that He will develop more at the time comes for you to use it for His glory. Can you bake amazing desserts that you can use to bless someone who is going through a hard time? Can you draw, paint or craft something to bring a smile to someone in need? Can you play sports, openly praying before and after competitions as a way to glorify the One who gave you the ability? Can you teach, or support the work of others' callings? Can you hold the hand of someone who is sick, or dying, and pray with them? What are you doing with these talents you have been entrusted? Are you using them, growing them, sharing them with those around you? Or are you being like the servant who buries them in the sand, not willing to do anything to help the master increase his holdings. If we do not use the abilities God has given us, He can take those abilities from us. If we use them for our own gain and not for His, He can remove them from us then as well. Trust in God to show you the talent He has given you, pray that you have the strength to battle Satan and stand tall for God. Because if you read the story, those who used the talents to increase, heard the words "well done my good and faithful servant." Those are the words I long to hear from my Master, when my time on earth is done.
So when God calls me to write, I write. I may not understand what, or why but its not important. I am developing the talent He has given me, and as I do, I know I am doing my best to increase His holdings and try to bring people closer to Him through my words. What are YOU doing with YOUR talent?
God gives each and every one of us talents. Some he has given multiple abilities to. They can be super smart, great athletes and can sing beautifully. Some may not be able to do these things, but they have a wonderful way with children, or the ability to make money. But we are each given something we can do, to bring glory to God, to bring people to God and to otherwise help increase and further the kingdom of God. But what do we do with these talents? I know for many years I did absolutely nothing. I have always loved to write, and I was fairly good at it, but did nothing with it. Part of it was because of the life I had, and the fact that any and all creativity was not encouraged. But part of it, was pure laziness on my side.
Lately though, God has impressed it on me more and more to use my writing talent to bring Glory to His name. And this is exactly what I am striving to do. At first I thought that writing a blog would be a good way. I could write about what God was doing in my life, but the God started expanding it, and opened a door to freelance writing in magazines. While not every article I write can be about God, I am able to incorporate it in as I can, and can choose many stories where the subjects talk about God in their own lives and can bring His name out in that way. But then He progresses, and I am now writing a Christmas play. And still more He works. I write, whatever He puts in my mind, not always knowing what He has planned for me to do, but knowing that He has a plan in mind, and that I will surely succeed at what I do, if I am doing it in His will.
What is the talent He has given you? You cannot say there is nothing, because if you are a child of God, He has given you something, and even if you are NOT yet His child, He still has given you an ability that He will develop more at the time comes for you to use it for His glory. Can you bake amazing desserts that you can use to bless someone who is going through a hard time? Can you draw, paint or craft something to bring a smile to someone in need? Can you play sports, openly praying before and after competitions as a way to glorify the One who gave you the ability? Can you teach, or support the work of others' callings? Can you hold the hand of someone who is sick, or dying, and pray with them? What are you doing with these talents you have been entrusted? Are you using them, growing them, sharing them with those around you? Or are you being like the servant who buries them in the sand, not willing to do anything to help the master increase his holdings. If we do not use the abilities God has given us, He can take those abilities from us. If we use them for our own gain and not for His, He can remove them from us then as well. Trust in God to show you the talent He has given you, pray that you have the strength to battle Satan and stand tall for God. Because if you read the story, those who used the talents to increase, heard the words "well done my good and faithful servant." Those are the words I long to hear from my Master, when my time on earth is done.
So when God calls me to write, I write. I may not understand what, or why but its not important. I am developing the talent He has given me, and as I do, I know I am doing my best to increase His holdings and try to bring people closer to Him through my words. What are YOU doing with YOUR talent?
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Life is A LOT like bacon......
I took a break from blogging because my mind got bogged down with a lot of other things. I got busy doing other writing, and really, truthfully, I just didn't think that my blogging mattered. But I realized that I blog, not just for others to read, but for an outlet for myself to work through the things in my mind.
I have had a lot of heartache lately. Family members making decisions that have caused me so much pain that I feel at times like my heart is literally breaking. I know people tell me to mind my own business, that I cannot control the decisions of others, or I cannot fight someone Else's battle. But it does not make it hurt any less. I think we are supposed to hurt for the pains of others. Even in the Bible, it talks about how when Jesus rode in to the city, He wept. He wept because of the lives being lived. I weep for the same thing. I see family members that have totally rejected God in every way, and who refuse to see that their lifestyles are leading them straight to hell, and they have no intention of changing. They keep hollering that they want to be happy. That God is okay with their lifestyles of sin because He wants them to be happy. Tell me one verse in the Bible that says that God wants us to be happy. I have yet to find it, He wants us to be OBEDIENT. When we turn out lives over to Him, and yield to His ways, we will find happiness in serving Him, but we are not to be part of this world. Our happiness awaits us in Heaven.
I have had family members tell me that I do not care about family, that it means nothing to me, because I have searched for and found members of my birth family. That does not make me love the family that raised me less. I have enough love in my heart to go around. I know that sometimes I spend more time with my church family and my best friend's family than I do with my own. But my church family shares my belief, and I can truly be myself there, and not have to deal with the other junk. I can pray out loud, I can be sad, or cry, and not be made fun of. My best friend's family loves me at my most unlovable points. They love me when I feel like I can't go on, when I feel like giving up. They love me when I am weak, not expecting me to be the strong one.
In many ways I love my life, I love the people that God has put in my life. I hate having to live in a fallen world. I hate the way that this world is getting crazy, and sin is becoming the norm, and holiness is a thing to be mocked. I hate that Satan is running rampant. I hate that so many of my family members are lost, and don't even care, because its easier to sin and have fun than to be right. But I love my family, even when they don't realize it, or believe it. I am just in such an internal struggle that sometimes its easier to love them from a distance.
Life is a lot like bacon. (yeah you knew that was coming). You see the word bacon, and you sigh. You smile, and your mouth waters because you know that its going to be great. Someone can tell you they are fixing bacon, and you get happy, because you anticipate that its going to be just the most amazing thing. Then you have to start making these decisions. Do you want thick cut, or thin cut? (Well that depends.) Do you want double smoked or uncured. (Smoked all the way!) These are like life decisions. Do you want to follow God or be of the world. Its the same way. It cannot be both! You cannot have your bacon both cured and uncured, the same way you cannot be Godly and worldly at the same time. Sometimes you buy bacon that looks to be amazing, you look in the window of the package and see lots of meaty pieces. (You go to church, and it feels good and you pray a prayer and think you got saved. ) but then you open the package and realize that it was just that one piece on the end that was meaty, and the rest is all fatty. (if there is no change in your life, then you were slipped a false salvation.) The biggest fear of all, is to live your life in anticipation of the biggest, most awesome bacon sandwich in the world, and to get there on that day, and stand before God and realize that all you have coming to you...... is turkey bacon. (hell) and as you spend eternity eating turkey bacon, and knowing that if you had just followed God, you would spend eternity eating Hormel Black label double smoked center cut bacon.
I know I'm being funny, and probably a little ridiculous, but my point is this. Are you truly happy in your life? This life is such a small portion of your eternity. I struggle with sin every day of my life. There are things I would like to do, but I Know they are sinful. SO I struggle and fight the temptations, because I look at the big picture of my eternity. Better a few years of unhappiness and an eternity of peace and joy, than a few years of sinful happiness and an eternity of agony. If you think you were saved and it does not bother you at all to live a sinful lifestyle, then maybe you were slipped some uncured bacon and your salvation was not real. I've been there, I lived almost 30 years thinking I was saved and I wasn't. Because it was toooooo easy to sin, and I didn't feel bad when I did it.
so examine your bacon closely. Check to make sure its meaty, full of the goodness of God. Not loaded with the fat of Satan. Make sure its smoked with the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God that tells you when you are doing wrong. If you get defensive and feel the need to justify what you are doing, chances are, you shouldn't be doing it. and Please, Please, get right with God, so your bacon is pure, and not the turkey bacon of lostness that will lead you to Hell. I love you, and I want you in heaven with me. Eating bacon sandwiches with the Lord.
I have had a lot of heartache lately. Family members making decisions that have caused me so much pain that I feel at times like my heart is literally breaking. I know people tell me to mind my own business, that I cannot control the decisions of others, or I cannot fight someone Else's battle. But it does not make it hurt any less. I think we are supposed to hurt for the pains of others. Even in the Bible, it talks about how when Jesus rode in to the city, He wept. He wept because of the lives being lived. I weep for the same thing. I see family members that have totally rejected God in every way, and who refuse to see that their lifestyles are leading them straight to hell, and they have no intention of changing. They keep hollering that they want to be happy. That God is okay with their lifestyles of sin because He wants them to be happy. Tell me one verse in the Bible that says that God wants us to be happy. I have yet to find it, He wants us to be OBEDIENT. When we turn out lives over to Him, and yield to His ways, we will find happiness in serving Him, but we are not to be part of this world. Our happiness awaits us in Heaven.
I have had family members tell me that I do not care about family, that it means nothing to me, because I have searched for and found members of my birth family. That does not make me love the family that raised me less. I have enough love in my heart to go around. I know that sometimes I spend more time with my church family and my best friend's family than I do with my own. But my church family shares my belief, and I can truly be myself there, and not have to deal with the other junk. I can pray out loud, I can be sad, or cry, and not be made fun of. My best friend's family loves me at my most unlovable points. They love me when I feel like I can't go on, when I feel like giving up. They love me when I am weak, not expecting me to be the strong one.
In many ways I love my life, I love the people that God has put in my life. I hate having to live in a fallen world. I hate the way that this world is getting crazy, and sin is becoming the norm, and holiness is a thing to be mocked. I hate that Satan is running rampant. I hate that so many of my family members are lost, and don't even care, because its easier to sin and have fun than to be right. But I love my family, even when they don't realize it, or believe it. I am just in such an internal struggle that sometimes its easier to love them from a distance.
Life is a lot like bacon. (yeah you knew that was coming). You see the word bacon, and you sigh. You smile, and your mouth waters because you know that its going to be great. Someone can tell you they are fixing bacon, and you get happy, because you anticipate that its going to be just the most amazing thing. Then you have to start making these decisions. Do you want thick cut, or thin cut? (Well that depends.) Do you want double smoked or uncured. (Smoked all the way!) These are like life decisions. Do you want to follow God or be of the world. Its the same way. It cannot be both! You cannot have your bacon both cured and uncured, the same way you cannot be Godly and worldly at the same time. Sometimes you buy bacon that looks to be amazing, you look in the window of the package and see lots of meaty pieces. (You go to church, and it feels good and you pray a prayer and think you got saved. ) but then you open the package and realize that it was just that one piece on the end that was meaty, and the rest is all fatty. (if there is no change in your life, then you were slipped a false salvation.) The biggest fear of all, is to live your life in anticipation of the biggest, most awesome bacon sandwich in the world, and to get there on that day, and stand before God and realize that all you have coming to you...... is turkey bacon. (hell) and as you spend eternity eating turkey bacon, and knowing that if you had just followed God, you would spend eternity eating Hormel Black label double smoked center cut bacon.
I know I'm being funny, and probably a little ridiculous, but my point is this. Are you truly happy in your life? This life is such a small portion of your eternity. I struggle with sin every day of my life. There are things I would like to do, but I Know they are sinful. SO I struggle and fight the temptations, because I look at the big picture of my eternity. Better a few years of unhappiness and an eternity of peace and joy, than a few years of sinful happiness and an eternity of agony. If you think you were saved and it does not bother you at all to live a sinful lifestyle, then maybe you were slipped some uncured bacon and your salvation was not real. I've been there, I lived almost 30 years thinking I was saved and I wasn't. Because it was toooooo easy to sin, and I didn't feel bad when I did it.
so examine your bacon closely. Check to make sure its meaty, full of the goodness of God. Not loaded with the fat of Satan. Make sure its smoked with the Holy Spirit. The Spirit of God that tells you when you are doing wrong. If you get defensive and feel the need to justify what you are doing, chances are, you shouldn't be doing it. and Please, Please, get right with God, so your bacon is pure, and not the turkey bacon of lostness that will lead you to Hell. I love you, and I want you in heaven with me. Eating bacon sandwiches with the Lord.
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Serving God: When Can I Retire?
Serving God has really been on my mind lately. I think maybe because its that time of year at church where we have elections for new positions for the church year. But serving God is a year round duty. Its not one I take lightly. So its one I have been thinking about a lot here lately and its made me ponder several points.
I saw a sign on a church the other day that stated: Service to God is how we pay the rent on our home here on Earth. I got to thinking about that. and for those of us who are Christians, I feel this is true. God gives us a beautiful place to live, complete with four seasons, a beautiful sunrise and sunset daily, rain, rainbows after the rain, animals to keep us company, friends to help us through life, and two families, one we are raised in and the one in the church He puts us in. He gave His Son, to settle our sin debt, calls us to salvation, saves us from hell, all for free, but as such, we are supposed to do one job for Him, and that is to spread the word, lead others to Him, and LOVE our neighbors.
Some people are saved young, and some, like me, are older. So in reality, all the VBS's, and church dinners, and things I did prior to being saved were just good works. So actually I have only served God for not quite 4 years. There are others who got saved young, so they may have 20-30 years of salvation on me, maybe more, so does that mean that they have more accrued years of service on me? Does God keep a service record kind of like the government does, with points per year, so that after a certain number of years of serving God, we can retire from service?
Sometimes I feel like I need to really work hard, serving in every capacity possible because I feel like I wasted a lot of years I could have served. So I volunteer for everything under the sun, wanting only to serve and help God. In part of my service I ask others to volunteer to serve in one capacity or another. In some occasions I get the response of "I already did my time, let someone else do it." So it occurred to me that people have the attitude that after so many years of service to God, they can, in a sense, retire and spend the rest of their time "pew sitting" and letting everyone else work. But I have yet to find the scripture in the Bible that backs up this mindset. John was an old man, when he was on Patmos, and wrote the book of Revelation. He had been exiled, but yet, even after all he had done over the years to spread the word of Christ, he was still obedient and wrote down the vision that he was given. He served God til his dying breath. He could have easily had said, "sorry God, but I did my duty all those years ago, when I started churches, and traveled, and wrote the letters and books that You gave me to write. I just want to sit here on this island and relax. Send this vision to someone else." But, thankfully for us, he was obedient, and did what God wanted.
Our salvation never ends, so how does our service to the One who saved us end? Yes, salvation is a free gift, and nothing was asked in return for it, but we who are saved are supposed to bear fruit, and be anxious and ready to serve God. Its kind of like the story in the Bible about the ten lepers. Jesus cleansed them all, but only one came back to thank Him and worship Him. I think a lot of people can be that way as well. God saves them, and they go on their merry way and live their life, never once thanking Him, or serving and worshiping Him the way He deserves. They come to church, get saved, and then are never seen at church again.
So my question is: what is the retirement age of serving God? How many years do you have to serve before you can just sit on a pew for the rest of your life and consider your debt to Him paid? If you work extra hard, and volunteer to do a lot can you apply for early retirement? If you jump in there and meet your quota of leading people to Christ, can you get exempted from having to work later? If you work in the church nursery while your kids are young, are you exempted as soon as yours are grown? Or could you still help watch over the children of the church so that their parents are free to listen and grow? If you taught Sunday school for 6 years, does that mean you no longer need to do anything? I have served in many aspects over the short time I have been serving God, sometimes very actively, and other times in a smaller aspect, but in all I do, I serve Him to the best of my ability, according to the calling He has given me. Sometimes He calls me to do much, and other times, He gives me smaller jobs, because I need a time of growth or rest. But I have never thought about taking a season off, or that I would retire, this side of heaven. Because I think that our job never ends. God gives us free will, to serve or not to serve, but I don't want to stand before Him one day, and have Him look at me with disappointment and say, "Beckie, you did great in the things you did, but you could have done so much more. I never wanted a pew sitter, I wanted you to do My work on earth."
This may sound preachy, and that isn't my intention. And I really want to know how others feel about this. Maybe I am wrong, but I don't think so. Everyone talks about the crowns we will have in Heaven, complete with jewels as our rewards for the things we do for God. I do not serve God expecting rewards, I do it because I love Him and am thankful for all He has done for me, and saved me from. But, if your works for God are the jewels in your crown, what do you think your crown is going to look like? I know some who are going to have these super tall crowns, so sparkling with jewels from all they have done, that it will be blinding. But some, I am afraid, are going to have crowns that look like the ones you get for the kids at Burger King, gold colored fold around paper, because they didn't feel the need to serve the One who created them, and all they have.
I figure my crown will be small, and somewhat plain, and I figure my mansion will be small, but thats okay. Its not about crowns, or mansions, its about serving God here on earth, so that when I stand before Him, He is proud of all I did. I will serve Him until I draw my last breath here, and see Him face to face, because that is how I read the Bible, as it being a life long job.
I saw a sign on a church the other day that stated: Service to God is how we pay the rent on our home here on Earth. I got to thinking about that. and for those of us who are Christians, I feel this is true. God gives us a beautiful place to live, complete with four seasons, a beautiful sunrise and sunset daily, rain, rainbows after the rain, animals to keep us company, friends to help us through life, and two families, one we are raised in and the one in the church He puts us in. He gave His Son, to settle our sin debt, calls us to salvation, saves us from hell, all for free, but as such, we are supposed to do one job for Him, and that is to spread the word, lead others to Him, and LOVE our neighbors.
Some people are saved young, and some, like me, are older. So in reality, all the VBS's, and church dinners, and things I did prior to being saved were just good works. So actually I have only served God for not quite 4 years. There are others who got saved young, so they may have 20-30 years of salvation on me, maybe more, so does that mean that they have more accrued years of service on me? Does God keep a service record kind of like the government does, with points per year, so that after a certain number of years of serving God, we can retire from service?
Sometimes I feel like I need to really work hard, serving in every capacity possible because I feel like I wasted a lot of years I could have served. So I volunteer for everything under the sun, wanting only to serve and help God. In part of my service I ask others to volunteer to serve in one capacity or another. In some occasions I get the response of "I already did my time, let someone else do it." So it occurred to me that people have the attitude that after so many years of service to God, they can, in a sense, retire and spend the rest of their time "pew sitting" and letting everyone else work. But I have yet to find the scripture in the Bible that backs up this mindset. John was an old man, when he was on Patmos, and wrote the book of Revelation. He had been exiled, but yet, even after all he had done over the years to spread the word of Christ, he was still obedient and wrote down the vision that he was given. He served God til his dying breath. He could have easily had said, "sorry God, but I did my duty all those years ago, when I started churches, and traveled, and wrote the letters and books that You gave me to write. I just want to sit here on this island and relax. Send this vision to someone else." But, thankfully for us, he was obedient, and did what God wanted.
Our salvation never ends, so how does our service to the One who saved us end? Yes, salvation is a free gift, and nothing was asked in return for it, but we who are saved are supposed to bear fruit, and be anxious and ready to serve God. Its kind of like the story in the Bible about the ten lepers. Jesus cleansed them all, but only one came back to thank Him and worship Him. I think a lot of people can be that way as well. God saves them, and they go on their merry way and live their life, never once thanking Him, or serving and worshiping Him the way He deserves. They come to church, get saved, and then are never seen at church again.
So my question is: what is the retirement age of serving God? How many years do you have to serve before you can just sit on a pew for the rest of your life and consider your debt to Him paid? If you work extra hard, and volunteer to do a lot can you apply for early retirement? If you jump in there and meet your quota of leading people to Christ, can you get exempted from having to work later? If you work in the church nursery while your kids are young, are you exempted as soon as yours are grown? Or could you still help watch over the children of the church so that their parents are free to listen and grow? If you taught Sunday school for 6 years, does that mean you no longer need to do anything? I have served in many aspects over the short time I have been serving God, sometimes very actively, and other times in a smaller aspect, but in all I do, I serve Him to the best of my ability, according to the calling He has given me. Sometimes He calls me to do much, and other times, He gives me smaller jobs, because I need a time of growth or rest. But I have never thought about taking a season off, or that I would retire, this side of heaven. Because I think that our job never ends. God gives us free will, to serve or not to serve, but I don't want to stand before Him one day, and have Him look at me with disappointment and say, "Beckie, you did great in the things you did, but you could have done so much more. I never wanted a pew sitter, I wanted you to do My work on earth."
This may sound preachy, and that isn't my intention. And I really want to know how others feel about this. Maybe I am wrong, but I don't think so. Everyone talks about the crowns we will have in Heaven, complete with jewels as our rewards for the things we do for God. I do not serve God expecting rewards, I do it because I love Him and am thankful for all He has done for me, and saved me from. But, if your works for God are the jewels in your crown, what do you think your crown is going to look like? I know some who are going to have these super tall crowns, so sparkling with jewels from all they have done, that it will be blinding. But some, I am afraid, are going to have crowns that look like the ones you get for the kids at Burger King, gold colored fold around paper, because they didn't feel the need to serve the One who created them, and all they have.
I figure my crown will be small, and somewhat plain, and I figure my mansion will be small, but thats okay. Its not about crowns, or mansions, its about serving God here on earth, so that when I stand before Him, He is proud of all I did. I will serve Him until I draw my last breath here, and see Him face to face, because that is how I read the Bible, as it being a life long job.
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